Copyright 1995-2010 Daniel E. Biemer - Firefox 2.0 has trouble rendering this site correctly
ROCK IDOL TO THE MASSES
JAMMIN' ON SMALL PLASTIC INSTRUMENTS
Oh, those wonderful toys!
Blarg! Coming soon
Videos! Coming soon
The Guestheads! (squeakyanimalstudio.com)
Cousin Dave - west side! (way west side)
Bossie! (leader of the Mighty Bovine Army)
Anti-Career Girl!
Captain Ambivalent! (captainambivalent.com)
Bernie! (Not to be confused with any other purple dinosaur)
Click To Close
Click An Instrument For Performance Info!
Click Special Guest For Original Song List!
Hi! I'm Binky! Click on me and I'll remember you when I take over!

NOH MOSHING DESTROY ROCK AND ROLL!

NOH MOSHING HATE SPECIAL GUEST!

DO NOT CLICK ON NOH MOSHING!

Wee arrre theee laaammeeeoidds. Wee dooo nottt daaannncceeee.
Welcome to my web site, man! It's way better than the Beatles'!

Microjammer Banjo!

Used for Lynrd Skynrd's "Free Bird". Really.
(If people shout nicely.)

Kawasaki Big Bang Boom!

Used for "Baywatch" theme, Barenaked Ladies' "One Week", and original songs "Anything" and "What to Eat"

Microjammer Country Guitar!

S.G.'s original axe from the Imaginary Eggs, used for Abba's "Take A Chance On Me" and original "Country Song"

V-Tech DJ Jazz 'n' Jam!

Gives you self esteem by shouting 'DJ style phrases' - it says so right on the box. Used for Duran Duran's "Rio" and originals "No Self Esteem", "Social Injustice", "What Are We Doing Here?", and "Anything (Bossa Nova)"

Kawasaki Double-Neck Guitar!

Used for The Who's "Teenage Wasteland" and original "Ballad of Walnuthead and Shufflefoot"

Good Stuff FingerBeatz!

Used for Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" and Lou Reed's "Take a Walk on the Wild Side". I actually heard from the designer, David Hymen.

The GiggleHammer!

Used on the Special Guest Theme Song (along with the Star Guitar)

Good Stuff Sound Waves!

Used for George Michael's "I Want Your Sex". Really. Another David Hymen design (see Fingerbeatz)

Microjammer Heavy Metal Guitar!

Used for Blondie's "Call Me"

Microjammer HonkeyTonk Piano

Used for Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance"

Kawasaki Infrared Guitar!

Gratuitous high technology - you pass your hand through an invisible infrared beam to play. Used for the Romantics' "Talking In Your Sleep"

Sato Mini-Pro 1000!

Used for Quiet Riot's "Cum On Feel Da Noize", Soft Cell's "Tainted Love", the "Baywatch" theme, and award winning original song "Heisenberg"

Kawasaki Keyboom!

The keyboard part isn't that great but the guitar plays power chords! Used for Asia's "Heat of the Moment" and the "Baywatch" theme.

Kawasaki Deluxe Melody Keyboard!

'Melody' because the keyboard overpowers the rhythm track. Used for Styx' "Renegade"

Radio Shack Minirocker Guitar!

This cheaper Microjammer knockoff has a more punk sound. Used for Technotronic's "Pump Up The Jam".

OneManJam!

Over two feet long! (said so right on the box). Switches from 'Rock' to 'Country'. Used for Donny and Marie's "A Little Bit Country"

OneManJam2!

The switch now goes from 'Rock and Roll' to 'Rap' - watch out! Used for Jewel's "Hands" and original "Laundry Night".

Kawasaki PowerChords3!

Doesn't actually play power chords, in fact only plays two chords, but has a real nice dive bomb. Used for Spice Girls' "If You Wanna Be My Lover".

Kawasaki PowerChords3(2)!

Looks like the other PowerChords3, but sounds completely different. Still just two chords. Used for Cherry Poppin Daddis' "Zoot Suit Riot"

Microjammer Rockin' Good Time Guitar!

Has been played through the giant speaker stacks at Metro in Chicago. Used for Talking Heads' "Psycho Killer".

Rockin' Rhythm Guitar!

Looks like a OneManJam on the surface, but much less versatile. Still, one song is all it takes, and that song is Styx' "Mr. Roboto".

Microjammers Screamin' Sax!

The instrument that kicked off S.G.'s solo career. Used for Prince's "1999".

Kawasaki Saxaboom!

In the house! Used for Tori Amos' "Leather". (S.G. likes saying that.)

Radio Shack Star Guitar!

Can make any song into early 80's synth-pop. Used for Styx's "Fooling Yourself", U2's "In The Name Of Love", and original "Special Guest Theme Song".

Fender Stratocaster!

Comes with its very own armpit amp. Used for original "Small Plastic Instruments" song.

Classical Violin!

Used on the brief public television series, "Guesterpiece Theatre".

Original Song List

Anything (mp3s)
Country Song
Heisenberg (mp3s)
Igneous Rock
Laundry Night
Mamma's Harley
Imaginary Eggs
No Self Esteem
Small Plastic Instruments
Social Injustice
Special Guest Theme (mp3s)
Walnuthead (mp3s)
What Are We Doing Here?
What to Eat

Anything

Download original version
Download ska tribute version by the Sqeaky Animals

If I were in danger, would you come to my rescue?
If you were in danger, I would rescue you
Jump down from the rafters, like an action hero,
Beat up all the bad guys if you want me to

I could be anything that you want me to be
Could you be anything that I want you to be?

If I were struck by lightning, granted super powers,
I'd tell you my secret, trust you totally
If you were struck by lightning could I be your teenage sidekick?
Or you could be my sidekick or we could be a team

I could be anything that you want me to be
Could you be anything that I want you to be?

There are evil forces gathered all around us
Everywhere you look they're trying to make a scene
Can we work together or will you let them divide us?
When the voices whisper, what will you believe?

I'm not an elephant, I am a man
I'm not an elephant, I am a man
I am an elephant, I'm not a man
I am an elephant, I'm not a man

If I were an angel, I'd be down in Texas,
Filming a T.V. show or something lame like that
If you were an angel, would you try to touch me?
Goodness knows I need it, there's no mistake 'bout that

I could be anything that you want me to be
Could you be anything that I want you to be?
Just try not to kill me

Country Song

Well my woman left, my hound dog died, but I've still got my truck
She took my money, took my pride, she couldn't take my luck
I'm going down to Nashville for to sing my little song -
Have a big hit, make a million bucks, I hope it don't take too long

Well I could dress up like Hank Williams if I had a bigger beard
I could dress like Dolly Parton, but that's a little too weird
I'm drivin' and I'm cryin' just remembering the fact -
That no amount of fortune and fame can bring ol' Bullit back

Heisenberg

This is a song about a man who's in love with a subatomic particle.

Download original version
Download tribute by Acoustic Anna

Well I know this is the time, it's just not the place
And I know this is the place, it's just not the time
And when I know just where you are I don't know how fast you're going
And when I know how fast you're going, I don't know where you are

Uncertainty is not just the way I feel
Uncertainty is not just the way I feel

Well you could be here or there, I'd have to check to find out
And I've a feeling you only commit yourself when I'm watching
Though at least as long as I'm watching, you'll probably be there
There's a chance you could be halfway 'cross the universe from here

Uncertainty is not just the way I feel
Uncertainty is not just the way I feel

Imaginary Eggs

Imaginary evening of imaginary day
Imagine that we meet in an imaginary way
I say the imaginary thing that I imagine I would say
To get that imaginary look on your imaginary face
Imaginary love at my imaginary place
Then imaginary breakfast with imaginary eggs

Imaginary riches, imaginary power
Imaginary egos build imaginary towers
While imaginary stars go on imaginary dates
With imaginary models with imaginary legs
Meanwhile imaginary chickens and imaginary pigs
Become imaginary breakfast with imaginary eggs

Hey, look my way, imaginary lady ooo
Hey, I would make imaginary eggs for you

Imaginary lovers, imaginary friends
Imaginary roadies, imaginary bands
On imaginary tours through imaginary lands
To play imaginary nightclubs of imaginary fans
The imaginary number one hit single that they crave>
Imaginary breakfast with imaginary eggs

Igneous Rock

Igneous rock! It was lava once but now it's cool
Igneous rock! Was my favorite thing to learn in school

Some people say that I'm just a sedimentary fool
When I sing this song they know it just isn't true

Igneous rock! It's volcanic!
Igneous rock! Not Satanic!
Igneous rock! It's my favorite goo

Laundry Night

What night is it?
What night is it?
What night is it now?

It's laundry night
Come on and do your laundry
It's laundry night
Come on and do your laundry
It's laundry night
Come on and do your laundry
It's laundry night
Come on and do your laundry 'cause

It be dirty
It be dirty
Dirty laundry
Dirty laundry yeah
It be dirty
It be dirty
It's laundry night

And if you're trying to pick out a detergent
It's hard 'cause you don't know what they can do
The situation's getting kind of urgent
Before your clothes get funkier than you

Don't Touch Mamma's Harley

Well you can hang around you can run around boogie to the sound get down

But don't touch Mamma's Harley
Don't touch Mamma's Harley

Well she's sixty five but she loves to ride her Harley

So if you want to have some fun you can touch me if you want you can touch the President yeah

But don't touch Mamma's Harley
Don't touch Mamma's Harley

Well she's sixty five but she loves to ride
You touch her bike, man, it's suicide!
She'll kick your butt, so don't you touch her Harley

The End

No Self Esteem

These lyrics aren't good enough to post.

Small Plastic Instruments

All you rock and rollers
It's time to take a stand
There's a cloud of evil
Looming o'er the land

Ain't talkin' 'bout the Terror
Aint' talkin' 'bout Bin Ladin no
There's an evil race from outer space
Who's sworn to destroy rock and roll!

Led by an evil sumo wrestler
The Lameoids want to take control!
But will we let them? No!

We'll rock the world with small plastic instruments
We'll rock the world with small plastic instruments of love
Small plastic instruments of love!

Social Injustice

This is a song about social injustice
This is a song about social injustice
It's bad

This is a song about social injustice
This is a song about social injustice
It's bad bad bad so bad
Bad bad bad so bad
Bad bad bad so bad
Bad bad you better believe that it's

There's social injustice in the streets tonight in the streets tonight there is
Social injustice in the streets
There's social injustice in the streets tonight in the streets tonight there is
Social injustice in the streets

This is a song about social injustice
This is a song about social injustice
It's bad

Special Guest Theme Song

Download mp3

Oh tell me baby do you want me, baby do you need me,
Baby are you hot for me? Confess
Oh, would it be such a sin for you to let me in?
Baby let me be your special guest

Oh baby tell me that you want me, tell me that you need me,
Say of all your lovers I'm the best
Oh won't you give into your passion, I'll put you in traction,
Baby let me be your special guest

The Ballad of Walnuthead and Shufflefoot

Click GuestCam for music video

Download prog rock tribute by King Guest and Galadriel's Chorus

They call him Walnuthead
He's dead
He stalks this night with fright
That's right, friend
Feelin' 'round for your headbone
To take it for his very own

And while he tries the fit
He puts a walnut on the stump in place of it
And if it don't fit, he thinks "What the heck?"
And puts the walnut back on his own neck

It's kind of hard to see
When you've got a walnut where your head should be
So he's led around by his homeboy Shufflefoot
And as he shuffles, this is what he sings:

Walnuthead
Walnuthead and me
Walnuthead
Nasty as we want to be

He sings, "I'm Shufflefoot
I'm the funky ghoul
While he takes your head
I take your left shoe yeah
We haunt the night y'all him and me
Now let me tell you the story of how we came to be

Our party barge was large, that's right Sarge,
I pushed him overboard, propeller smashed his gourd,
But I fell over too, it caught my shoe,
That's why I shuffle like I do

Walnuthead
Walnuthead and me
Walnuthead
Nasty as we want to be"

So don't go out in the woods alone
Don't pick up any walnuts you find laying on the ground
'Cause you never know where they might have been
And the last thing you hear just might be someone singing

Walnuthead
Walnuthead and me
Walnuthead
Nasty as we want to be

What Are We Doing Here?

Everybody wants to be a hero
Everybody wants to save the world
Everybody wants to battle evil
So what are we doing here?
So what are we doing here?

What to Eat

A guide for Bernie

Well I went back to the Jurassic
Just to take me a break
Suddenly I noticed
My coffee started to shake
That's how I met Bernie
Brought him back to today
Then I wrote this song to
Show him how to behave

Well there are so many animals in this world
How do we decide which ones to eat and which to keep as pets?
So many you might get confused
But when you do, just sing this little tune

Eat the chickens and the hogs but not the dogs
Cows are chow but kittycats are pals
For lizards, frogs, and snake's there's some debate
And bunny rabbits are highly problematic

It seems so arbitrary, which ones we love and which we're eating
I'd be a vegetarian, but studies have shown that plants have feelings

So eat the dogs but not the chickens or the hogs
Kittycats are chow and cows are pals
And lizards frogs and snakes they just taste great
And bunny rabbits... oh, wait